"macanamera" (macanamera)
03/26/2015 at 17:26 • Filed to: None
20
14|
"macanamera" (macanamera)
03/26/2015 at 17:26 • Filed to: None | 20
| 14 |
This is a real government agency. Real people presumably work here.
6/2014
Mr. Macanamera:
While going through our records from 5 years ago, we have realized that you owe us $2,080.11 in taxes from 2010. Thanks.
______________________________
6/2014
Dear IRS:
No I don't.
______________________________
8/2014
Mr. Macanamera:
Thank you for your 6/2014 response of "No I don't." This letter is to inform you that we have received your response, but have not processed it.
______________________________
11/2014
Mr. Macanamera:
We are in the process of processing your response of 6/2014. According to subsection X^2.ab-1098 we are required to sin(.8)x/y^4. As soon as we have done that, we will send you another letter. Beep boop beep beep boop.
______________________________
2/2015
Mr. Macanamera:
We are currently doing something that you don't understand. Once we do this thing, and two other things that we ourselves don't understand, we will send you another response.
______________________________
3/2015
Mr. Macanamera:
After spending more time on this issue than you have spent doing anything in your life, we have come to a conclusion. You do not owe us $2080 from 2010. Furthermore, we owe you a $50.67 refund from 2010. Thank you, here's a check.
CB
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 17:29 |
|
"Dear IRS:
No I don't."
Brilliant. Reminds me of this.
|
macanamera
> CB
03/26/2015 at 17:30 |
|
Very similar, except over 10 months.
ttyymmnn
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 17:30 |
|
Time to go buy a Powerball ticket.
davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 17:34 |
|
Fantastic.
|
davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 17:35 |
|
I wish that really was the full text of your letter to them.
Tohru
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 17:37 |
|
neat that they cut the check three months before they said you owed them money.
|
macanamera
> Tohru
03/26/2015 at 17:44 |
|
fixed haha
|
macanamera
> davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com
03/26/2015 at 17:44 |
|
it was pretty close lol
RockThrillz89
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 17:52 |
|
And that is exactly how you beat the IRS. Respond with something that they're not sure how to respond to. At least that's what we do at the firm I work at. Write a super professional letter with slightly more information than they requested
"You owe us money"
"No I don't"
"Bu... uhhh.... shit...
*Picks up ink and quill*
Dear Mr. Macanamera,
After thorough review of your provided information, it appears that we failed to interpret the IRC correctly because we're a bunch of daft idiots that strongly dislike being wrong and/or being corrected. It is with this understanding that we are issuing a refund in hopes that you'll shut the fuck up and not mention this to anyone. It is imperative that we maintain an appearance of compentence; to compromise this would be unpatriotic and we will permanently mark you in our system as a severe liberal leaning hippie that once breakfasted on bald eagle without American cheese melted on top.
We await your next response (reminder: deadline is April 15 unless you file for an Automatic Extension of Time to File!).
XOXO,
IRS - A Subsidiary of the US Treasury Department"
Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 18:24 |
|
That reminds me of a project I worked on early in my career. I'm a CPA and I work exclusively in the valuation of businesses, generally privately-held ones. Part of that involves doing valuations for tax purposes, which means our ultimate review comes from the IRS.
Long story short, we took a 30% discount to the end value of the company on a project for a variety of reasons. The IRS wrote back to us upon review of the return in question and said "You used a 30% discount; we think you're incorrect and the proper discount is 12%. You have 30 days blah blah blah to defend your position."
Boss pulls me into his office, gets on the phone to let the client and client's attorney know what our response was going to be:
Boss: "We're going to tell them that it really should have been 45% and we were being conservative at 30%"
Client: "Uh...can we do that?"
Boss: "Yup."
Client: "Cool."
Put together a bunch of schedules and questionable-ass research, wrote a memo, submitted back to the IRS. Heard back about a month later, and it was literally a three sentence response to the effect of "You know what, 30% sounds pretty good to us. Have a good day."
I will say that an intelligent, bored IRS agent can be the biggest pain in the ass in the world if Fortuna's wheel doesn't spin in your favor.
|
Tohru
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 18:35 |
|
it's the IRS, I wouldn't put it past them lol
Dusty Ventures
> macanamera
03/26/2015 at 19:26 |
|
Nice to see they fixed the problem more quickly than usual
Manuél Ferrari
> RockThrillz89
03/27/2015 at 01:12 |
|
I know a guy who said that he got out of jury duty for life by checking the box for "I do not understand the English language" the first time he got summoned. He said the courts don't bother storing data in their database about who knows English and who doesn't, so they can't very that what you sent back is untrue. They just mark you as "do not summon" and move on.
Funny thing is that his name is Steven Brown. Not even remotely an ethnic name, haha
thebigbossyboss
> macanamera
03/27/2015 at 12:09 |
|
Reminds me of my battles with them
Them "you paid no income tax this year"
Me "yes I did"
them "You paid us no taxes, here's interest on the amount you owe us and very threatening letter" (this happens about 3x)
Me" Here is an amended return showing I did pay my taxes but not to you"
Them "You paid nothing to the us. You owe nothing to the us. You live in Canada despite being an american. Good day"